I Can Be Your Villain, Baby
by Mattricole
Summary: Fed up with her family's abuse, Weiss has turned to a life of crime. Taking the name "Doctor Weiss" she not only attempts to get revenge against her father but also attempts to take over the world...or any other super-villainous deed, really. Now if only that pesky Crescent Rose would stay out of her way...
1. Chapter 1

For far too long they thought of her as nothing more than a joke. To them, she was unworthy to be the heiress, unworthy of the Schnee name, and unworthy to carry on their legacy. Oh, how it infuriated her, to be treated no better than trash by her so-called family.

"I will make them pay," Doctor Weiss muttered darkly, her body protected by a robotic exoskeleton designed to resemble medieval armor, as she coordinated her robots as they built a giant missile. She couldn't stop herself from chuckling as she typed away at her computer, coding the bomb of hers so that it would go off exactly when she wanted it to. No one could stop her now.

"Stop right there, villain!"

"Egads!" Doctor Weiss swiveled in her chair, glaring at her unwanted guest. "What are you doing here, you foul dressed buffoon?!" she jumped from her seat, stretching her hand out in front of her.

"Ha ha ha! What a silly question, Doctor Weiss!" the girl laughed robotically, as if it were practiced in a mirror. The girl was in a black latex suit with a silver rose embellished on her chest along with a long, hooded red cape flowing behind her. Her black mask that covered the upper part of her face crinkled in amusement "I, the hero of justice, Crescent Rose~, has come to do her heroic duty of ceasing the villainy caused by you, the nefarious Doctor Weiss!"

"...You? A mere child?" Weiss whispered, looking at the girl with pure raw hatred. "You are a fool if you believe you can-"

"For I, Crescent Rose," the hero continued on with her monologue as if she hadn't heard Weiss's insult. "Am the protector of Vale! Mistral! Vacuo! ...Uh, Atlas, I think?" she paused, her face scrunching up beneath her mask. "...And Menagar- Menardsaray- Menenaga-" she spouted, her tongue twisting in on itself as she tried to pronounce what Doctor Weiss assumed to be Menagerie.

"A-And that last place, too!" she screamed, pointing her finger at Weiss. "I, Ruby Ro- Oof, I mean- Crescent Rose, shall defend all these countries and more from your villainous wrath!"

"..." Weiss said nothing as she glared at the wannabe superhero. "...You done yet?"

"...No," the hero looked down dejectedly. "But I forgot about the rest of what I was gonna say."

"Ugh," Weiss shook her head. The annoyance for the hero in front of her was rivaled only by the pity she felt for them. "I take it you're new to this?" she asked, earning a shy smile from Crescent Rose.

"Y-yeah, this is my first-week vigilanteeing about," she shrugged, eyeing her toes in embarrassment. "A-and when the other, more experienced heroes found out you were up to something, but they didn't want to swing by since uh…"

"...Since the giant cheese wheel incident," Weiss groaned, remembering how her last plot for revenge against her family went. "Those fools! Oh, so I make one, just one silly little idea, and now all of a sudden I'm not a credible threat?!" she screamed in anger.

"W-whoa there, no one said that you weren't-"

"How dare they insult me in this fashion?!" Crescent Rose's attempts at calming her went entirely ignored. "And who cares if the cheese wheel was silly?! It caused billions of lien in damages AND took out several heroes, most of which are still out of commission! Does that still sound silly to you?!" she glared up at Crescent Rose, whose body began to tremble. "Does it?! Does it sound silly to you?!"

"Calm down, please!" Crescent screamed, disappearing in a flurry of petals only to reappear in front of Weiss. "Doc, listen, no one's saying you're not a credible threat!"

"Good, because it'd be foolish to say I wasn't!"

"Professor Oobleck still has a shattered leg! He'll be out for months!"

"That's right! Months!" Weiss nodded along, her labored breathing becoming less intense.

"And don't even get me started on Captain Port," Crescent began with a smile, a chuckle starting to escape her lips. "He- he ate so much cheese he can't even walk! He has to roll everywhere!"

"Yeah, what was he even thinking?" Weiss smiled, shaking her head in disbelief. "Did that old fool really believe he could eat that entire thing?"

"Yeah, he's not all up there," Crescent chuckled, tapping herself on the head. "Hey, speaking of diabolically things, what's that?" Crescent Rose asked as she pointed at the missile Weiss's robots were building.

"Oh, it's a warhead," Weiss shrugged. "I'm going to aim it at my parents Christmas dinner, killing them and everyone else within a hundred mile radius-"

"WHAAAAAAAAT?!" Crescent's scream reverberated throughout the hideout, causing Weiss to clench her ears in pain.

"H-hey, keep it down, will you?! Some of us would like to keep their hearing-"

"Are you insane?!" Crescent Rose interrupted as she grabbed Weiss by the shoulders. "You can't just kill everyone because your parents are assholes! Th-that's wrong and inhumane!"

"I'm a villain, that's the point you...you…" Weiss trailed off, staring begrudgingly at the tears that were now streaming down Crescent Rose's eyes as she looked up to Doctor Weiss, silently pleading for the evil doctor to have a change of heart. They reminded her of Ein, a little corgi she so badly wanted to adopt as a child only to be denied due to her father's hatred of all things pure and good. Looking into Crescent Rose's eyes only deepened the hatred she felt for her family.

"Please," she whimpered, earning a groan from Doctor Weiss. It sounded so much like Ein's as he whimpered and cried as Weiss was dragged away by her arm from the puppy, never to see him again.

"...I guess I could just drain his bank account or something," she conceded, a gasp of shock emitting from Crescent's mouth.

"R-really?!" she smiled wide, tugging at Weiss's heart. Why did she have to have such a cute smile?!

"I-it's not as satisfying as just outright killing them," she muttered, remembering all the times she was beaten into obedience by her father. "B-but I suppose living in poverty ought to teach them a lesson or two-"

"Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Gah!" Weiss screamed as Crescent wrapped her arms around her waist and lifted her into the air, laughing as she twirled around with the doctor. "L-let go of me!"

"Hahaha!" Crescent ignored Weiss's orders, simply giggling like a child as she practically danced with Weiss all over her lair.

'Oh, I knew I should have ordered my bots to just kill her!' she thought darkly, doing her best to ignore the blush that threatened to overcome her, biting down on her lip to prevent herself from smiling at the dolt's actions.

-LineBreak-

Debating whether I want to make this a series or not, what do you guys think?


	2. Chapter 2

"You are a fool, Shroud, coming here all by yourself," Weiss smirked as she looked at Gambol Shroud, a Superhero in an all black, leather suit, her face concealed by a black domino mask and an adorable pair of kitty ears on top of her head. "You honestly believed you could face me, the indomitable Doctor Weiss, all by your lonesome? If that's not arrogance I don't know what is."

"Let me down, now," Gambol Shroud growled. Even bound by rope and hanging over certain death, it was hard to see her as anything other than dangerous. But even her legendary air of menace was beginning to show cracks, stray beads of sweat dripped down her face, and even as she glared at Weiss her eyes would flicker to the acid below. She would die in seconds, but to her, it would seem like ages.

"Let you down?" Weiss asked, a wicked smirk growing on her face. "Well, I was thinking of holding you for ransom, but who am I to say no?" Too late, Gambol Shroud realized her mistake. "if you INSIST on a slow, agonizing-"

"Wwwwwweeeeeeeiiiiiiisssss!" the two woman heard the distant yell of another coming from the direction of Weiss's front door.

"..." Weiss paused, maybe if she glared hard enough, the pest would go away. After a minute of silently daring the door to speak, she turned back to Gambol Shroud, a devious smirk on her face. "As I was saying, if you insist on dying a horrifyingly painful death-"

"Wwwwwweeeeeeiiiiiisssss!" There it was again, though this time it was followed by the pounding of a familiar fist against steel. Weiss growled to herself as she glared at the door.

"...Why are they alerting you to their presence?" Gambol Shroud sighed, her head hanging in defeat.

"Clearly she underestimates how dangerous I can be," Weiss growled before heading towards her front door. She thought back to Crescent Rose's past visits and walked a little faster. 'Might as well let her in before she smashes through my door _again_.'

"Wwwwweeeeeeiiiiiiii-"

"What?!" Weiss screamed as she opened the door, the smiling face of Crescent Rose greeting her harsh welcome.

"I got it!" Crescent Rose squealed as she held her arms up to show Weiss a...tablet. "I got the new Pretendo Hitch!"

"...The what?" Weiss raised an irritated eyebrow, eying the toy with disdain.

"What do you mean "the what"? It's a Pretendo Hitch!" she glared at Weiss, shoving the item in her face. "It's the home console you can take with you when going out like you were hitchhiking!"

"...Congratulations, I'm sure your family is very happy for you," Weiss said while rolling her eyes. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take care of a certain-"

"Hey, is that Bla...mbol Shroud?!" Crescent gasped, rushing past Weiss, stopping just short of falling into the pit of acid. "Hi, Shroud!" Crescent waved her arms excitedly. "I didn't know you were friends with Weiss, too!"

"Can't pull the wool over your eyes, can I, Rose," Blake smiled, her hope reinvigorated. "Hey, while you're here why don't you let me down..."

"Oh, don't you even think about-"

"That's a great idea!" Crescent said with a smile, before gasping in realization. "Wait, if we're all here that means…" she slowly turned around to look at Weiss, her eyes glistening with excitement. "We can all play Bear-io kart together!" she sang out in excitement, blissfully immune to Weiss's glare.

"...I can't tell if you're really this big of a dolt or if it's all an act," Weiss muttered, massaging her temples. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was all some long scheme set up by Crescent Rose, and if that were the case, well she wouldn't fall for it. She would not let herself be manipulated.

"It'll be fun~!" Crescent said as she dangled the Hitch in front of Weiss. "Unless...you're afraid of losing?"

"...One game," she relented, pushing a button on her gauntlet and sealing the pit of acid up. "After that, I'm kicking you two bums out of here."

 _Two hours later…_

"Oh, you have got to be! Curses!"

"I win again!"

"Rose. Rose," Blake whispered, trying to get her friend's attention. "Rose, I need you to-"

"I am an evil genius, how do I lose twenty-eight games straight?!" Weiss screamed out in frustration, glaring at Crescent Rose, who was doubled over laughing. "You're cheating, aren't you?!"

"N-no I'm not!" Crescent said in between gasps of laughter. "I-I even turned on cruise controls for you!"

"Well, they don't work!" Weiss seethed in her seat, resisting the dark temptations to throw the controller on the ground. She wasn't sure she could handle seeing a crying Crescent Rose.

"Rose? Seriously, let me down already!" Shroud demanded, completely foregoing her harsh whispers. "Seriously, I need to get home to-"

"Yeah, Shroud, just give me another minute," Crescent smiled at her before leaning over towards Weiss. "Here, I'll put on smart steering for you, too," Crescent chuckled, causing Blake to sigh impatiently.

"Oh no you don't!" Weiss tore her controller away from Crescent's grasp. "As if I'll fall prey to such obvious tactics!" she glared back at the tv, turning off her cruise controls at the same time. "With the removal that hindrance I shall show you the power of a true Schnee!"

 _Another whole hour of losses later_

"Y-you okay, Weiss?" Crescent asked delicately, watching the white-haired villain breathing in and out slowly, veins popping out of her face and neck.

"Fine. Perfectly. Fine." she growled, laying the controller on the table with trembling hands. "...I am going to bed," she said as she stood up from her seat, quickly heading for her bedroom.

"O-okay! Goodnight!" Crescent waved weakly before getting up. "Hey, Blake! Wasn't today fun?" Crescent asked as she walked over to her silently dangling friend.

"...Oodles," she growled. "Now, how about untying me now, Ruby?"

"Sure thing, sister!" Ruby smiled as she went over to Blake and began cutting through the rope. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask; What's with the rope?" she asked as she cut through the last strand, causing Blake to fall, though of course landing on her feet.

"..." Blake said nothing as she glared at Ruby before her eyes trailed to the ground in which she stood. She snarled, underneath her feet was the pit that was to be her grave. Before her, the girl too oblivious to know she needed saving.

"...Blake? You okay?" Ruby asked, poking Blake's side to get her attention. "You're kinda being quieter than-"

"I have a question," Blake interrupted. "How upset would Weiss be if this pit of acid sealed underneath us were to be sabotaged and thus causing it to leak?"

"Oh, she would be incredibly upset!" Ruby shivered at the thought. "I mean, she has a lot of important equipment on the bottom floor, so if this started leaking I'm pretty sure it would ruin billions worth of whatever junk she has…" Ruby trailed off as Blake walked away from her and towards Weiss's computer.

"Uh, Blake, what are you doing?" Ruby anxiously twiddled her thumbs as she watched Blake tap away at Weiss's computer. "Blake? I think you should stop. Weiss is gonna be really mad if she finds out you're playing with her computer!" the evil cackling coming from Blake was beginning to scare her. "Blake?! Why are you tampering with the acid pit?! You don't know what you're-" realization dawned upon Ruby as Blake pressed one final button.

"BLAKE NOOOO!"

Weiss ignored the screams of Crescent and the angry screeching of Shroud as she laid in bed, staring blankly into her ceiling.

"...How?" she mumbled to herself, going over each and every match she had had with Crescent in her mind. How did she lose so many times? How did she lose even once?! It didn't make sense! She's driven planes, tanks, cars, and even a semi-truck, and yet she had been bested by a miserable go-kart?!

"Impossible. I should have won!" she clenched her bedsheets, the grinding of her teeth the only thing audible in the room. "I...I...I…" as she thought of every vehicle she has ever driven, realization dawned on her. "...I've never driven a go-kart!" she rose from her bed. "That's why! That's why I lost! How can one win when they have zero experience?!" she cackled to herself, browsing through her tablet that she kept at her bedside.

"Just you wait, Rose," Weiss cackled as she looked for the nearest indoor go-karting experience. "Soon I will master the art of Go-karts and I will have my revenge-"

"Weiss!" Crescent screamed as she burst through her door. "I just wanted to let you know, I was NOT the one who destroyed your acid pit and caused it to leak everywhere, and I was totally against Shroud-"

"She what?!" Weiss screamed as her vision turned red. "I'll kill her!" Weiss screamed as she rushed past Crescent Rose as a blade extending from her gauntlet.

"Wait, Weiss! She didn't mean it, I swear!" Ruby watched as Weiss chased after Blake, groaning at the sight. "...Okay, I guess honesty isn't always the best policy," Crescent sighed as she trailed after the Doctor. Yang would kill her if Blake didn't come home tonight, after all, it was her turn to watch the kids.

-LineBreak-

A lot of thanks and kudos to Cap full of whimsy, seriously if any sentence comes off as a good sentence chances are they're the one who recommended it! Not only that they pointed out a lot of errors in characterization.


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